I haven't eaten anything for a few days. (Yes! I stuck to the plan I made about never eating again) But..
Earlier today my mum made soup with chicken and potatoes in it.
And of course, she forced me to eat it.

I didn't eat anything for the rest of the day, until now.
I decided it would be okay to eat toast with cheese on it.
So I went into the kitchen and started to make that,
and my mum walks in.
I started to get the cheese out of the fridge and she was like 'NO!! LOOK AT YOU. YOU ARE FAT. YOU'RE A CHUBBY BABY!! YOU CANT EAT CHEESE AT THIS HOUR!! HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF? WHY CANT YOU JUST EAT ONE SIMPLE MEAL? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP EATING AFTER THAT? MY DAD DIDN'T LET ME EAT WHEN I WAS FAT...blah blah blah blah blah.'

And it made me feel, like a piece of SHIT.

I tried to explain to her that if I eat anything, I end up eating EVERYthing.
But she kept ignoring that and saying "NO YOU CANT HAVE CHEESE ON THAT BREAD! NO CHEESE! NO CHEESE! NO CHEESE! NO CHEESE!"
So I threw the bread away in the trash can.
And she was like "WTFFFFFFFF!!!"
And I was like "Yep, I just waisted food. Happy now, bitch?"
& walked to my room.
She just stood there in the kitchen laughing and complaining to my dad that I wanted to eat cheese.
WHAT THE FUCK.
She's not so skinny herself.
Infact, she's fat.

And she also told me "OMG your shoulders are as wide as mine! You need to stop NOW."
I'm fucking taller than her.
What does the width of your shoulders have to do with how fat you are?
My arms are atleast 4x skinnier than hers.

Ugh words cannot express how pissed off/sad/annoyed/disappointed/ashamed I am.
Y'know what?
Atleast now I have an excuse whenever she wants to make me eat her stupid dinners.
Now I don't fucking have to eat her SHIT.
It's her fucking fault. When I was little she'd feed my brownies & fat milk before bed every day.
And she always puts too much on my plate.

Ugh and my friends always say 'you're not fat! Thats your STOMACH, its supposed to look like that! See, I have one too!"
I wonder what they will say when I tell them my mom calls me fat.
Maybe they'll just sit there and think "Shit. I got owned."


I don't see why she calls me fat when it's HER FUCKING FAULT I'm this way.
I can't wait until I get really skinny.
And then she will be like "EAT SOMETHING" & I will be like "... NO :D!"
And then maybe she'll try to make me EAT cheese.
Instead of telling me I can't have it.
And y'know what? When she gives me the cheese
I'LL FUCKING THROW IT AWAY.
Thats RIGHT, bitch.
I'm wasting food again, fat whore.

But these past few months I've really let myself get fat.
I just don't give a damn.
But I have to start giving a damn.
NO MOAR FOOD PLS.

dkafjadlfsdf
havent been commenting people lately
sry im having an on-off xanga thing

I haven't been on Xanga as much because I've been going on other websites, and I'm learning German & Japanese.

Ich bin ein dick mädchen ):

Seriously, I am so fat. I bet I don't weigh 94 pounds any more.
I haven't counted calories properly in a month.
I haven't eaten less than 500 calories a day for atleast 3 days for about a month and a half.
I haven't lost any weight in 2 months.
I am not going to make it to my goal in time.
Fuck, man.

Anyways, my paranoid-about-ghosts thing is calming down.
Even if they are there, who cares? As long as they don't frighten/hurt me, its okay.
I was just trying to fall asleep about a minute ago and then I heard a voice and I was like 'OH SHIT I'M FUCKED.' but then it ended up being my mother SINGING.
Wtf? Who randomly sings?

I failed so bad.
I was supposed to lose so much weight this summer, but I've barely lost any.
Every day I eat disgustingly and tell myself "Oh, I'm not eating tomorrow." but then I end up eating disgustingly again.
This time I mean it though.
I'm even gonna write it in angry caps and extra large letters so I don't forget.

YOU ARE NOT FUCKING EATING AGAIN FUCKING FAT DUMBASS. YOU PIECE OF SHIT DISGRACE. YOU MAKE YOUR CLOTHES LOOK BAD. WHAT A SHAME. YOUR CLOTHES ARE PRETTY FUCKING AWESOME, AND YOU SURE-AS-HELL DON'T DESERVE THEM. NEVER EAT AGAIN! NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVERRR DX!!!!!!! YOU KNOW YOUR GOAL, AND YOU NEED TO FUCKING GET THERE. YOUR FAMILY CAN HEAR YOU SNEAKING FOOD OUT OF THE FRIDGE AT 3 AM, AND THEY THINK YOU ARE A GROSS PIG. IT IS NOT OKAY TO EAT. NO MATTER HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU MAKE UP, IT IS STILL NOT OKAY TO EAT. FUCK YOU. I SEE THAT GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH YOU HAVE THERE. PUT THAT FUCKING SHIT DOWN. IM FUCKING TALKING TO YOU. ITS NOT OKAY TO EAT THAT. DON'T FUCKING IGNORE THIS, FATASS. YOU NEVER MAKE ANY PROGRESS. YOU NEED TO FUCKING LOSE WEIGHT OR YOU WILL FUCKING DIE. STAY FUCKING STRONG YOU BITCH, STOP FAILING ALL THE TIME. YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SKINNY. YOU NEED TO BE SKINNY. NEVER EAT AGAIN. FUCK YOU.

I feel better now.
But I'd still like to cut my stomach off.
"Friend I barely know" wants me to go to her house one of these days. (yes, lmfao) If I can't 'never eat again' I atleast don't want to eat until I go to her house... And I dont' want to eat at her house either. I will most likely let myself down and not go through on my plan like always.


I need some fucking exercise.
I haven't had good exercise in over a month.
I hate you, stomach.
I hate you more than I hate anyone.
And I hate A LOT of people.
You are the winnar.
And disgusting fatness is your prize, isn't it?
You fucking bitch.

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I'm off to comment your bl0gz.